Coercive Control and the Protective Order Gap: When the System Can’t See the Abuse

What Coercive Control Actually Is

Coercive control is a pattern of domination that uses fear, isolation, manipulation, and deprivation to erode a person’s independence. It can involve monitoring communications, finances, or movements; threatening consequences for non-compliance; controlling access to money, transportation, or social support; gaslighting, humiliation, and psychological degradation; using institutions like courts or police as tools of intimidation; and creating a climate where the victim feels constantly watched, judged, or unsafe.

Unlike physical violence, coercive control is chronic, invisible, and psychologically entrapping. Victims often don’t realize what’s happening until they’re deeply entangled.

The Protective Order System Was Not Designed for This

Protective order statutes in most states were built decades ago around a simple model: violence equals physical harm or explicit threats. Coercive control doesn’t fit that model, and as a result, victims often cannot meet the legal threshold. Most protective order forms ask for a recent incident, a specific threat, or a physical act. Coercive control is a pattern, not an incident. It’s a climate of fear, not a single threat. Victims are forced to compress months or years of psychological domination into a form that only recognizes bruises and broken bones.

Judges often dismiss coercive control as relationship conflict. Without training in trauma, manipulation, or psychological abuse, many judges misinterpret coercive control as mutual arguing, poor communication, or “he said/she said” drama. This minimizes the danger and leaves victims unprotected.

Abusers frequently weaponize the system. Because coercive controllers are often strategic and socially skilled, they may file cross-petitions, manipulate narratives, present as calm and rational, and use the victim’s trauma responses against them. The system inadvertently rewards the person who appears more composed, not the one who is telling the truth.

There are almost no resources for victims of coercive control. Domestic violence shelters prioritize physical danger. Police cannot act without a crime. Courts require evidence that doesn’t exist. Therapists may not understand coercive control. There is no hotline specifically for this type of abuse, and legal aid is often overwhelmed or unavailable. Victims are left in a psychological chokehold with nowhere to turn.

Why This Matters: Coercive Control Is a Predictor of Lethality

Research consistently shows that coercive control is one of the strongest predictors of future physical violence. By the time a victim is physically harmed, the psychological groundwork has already been laid. When the system ignores coercive control, it is essentially waiting for the situation to escalate into something visible, something that can be photographed, documented, or easily categorized. That is not protection. That is triage.

The Human Cost of System Blindness

When victims seek help and are told there’s nothing anyone can do, that this isn’t abuse, or that they should come back when something physical happens, the system unintentionally reinforces the abuser’s message: no one will believe you, you’re on your own. This deepens the isolation and strengthens the abuser’s control.